Friday Night Theology

Knowing me, knowing you

28 May 2010

Technology allows us to do some incredible things. It enables communication across the country, and across the oceans. At the touch of a button, you can talk to someone on the other side of the world; you can see them on your screen as though they are with you. Ironically, although it can provide us with a wealth of information this same technology can also serve to inform us of how alone we can be.

We can count the number of friends that we have and promote this to the world as a badge of honour, crediting our popularity. We can spend hours grazing on our Twitter feed or browsing the galleries of our friends on Facebook and know a lot about them. We can occupy our time by socially networking but remain alone.

Reports this week suggest that we are lonelier than ever before, sparking predictions that we are corporately heading towards a generation of Eleanor Rigbys united by our isolation. And it is not, as commonly presumed, the elderly who feel most alone. The survey found that nearly twice as many aged 18-34 felt alone compared to those over 55.

Another survey released ahead of National Family Week, which begins on Monday, showed that parents spend on average 49 minutes a day with their children. Perhaps more concerning was the finding that over two thirds of parents named money as the biggest barrier to spending more time with their family.

Perhaps at the root of all this is a question of what we value. I don't think it is going too far to say that we have made a god out of busyness. We think that the more time we spend at work, or doing things, the more fulfilled we will be as people. In our effort to be more productive, as we try to accumulate more to satisfy our needs, to pacify the demands of our family; in the futile quest to quench the relentless need for more, our relationships lose out.

Maybe we even kid ourselves by thinking that the more friends we acquire the less lonely we will be. But perhaps the loneliest place is in the midst of a crowd - where everyone knows your name but nobody knows who you are. Maybe the English language is at fault, it is all too easy to confuse knowing information with knowing people. At least in French the different meanings have separate words.

The same can be true in the church, and even with our relationship with God. We spend a lot of time doing things as part of a church, and learning lots about God, but when these take the place of knowing God and knowing one another they become another idol. Just another distraction from building a community that grows together towards maturity in Christ (Ephesians 4). 

Hiding behind a Facebook profile can blunt some of the difficulties that emerge from living life with people who will antagonise, annoy and offend you. But they are people who can love and be loved by you. In the same way, the closer we draw to God the more we see about ourselves, and that can be profoundly uncomfortable, so we can turn to theological abstraction instead, to provide the veneer of knowing about God without knowing Him.

In our family, our church community or our relationship with God, I wonder if we need to be a little more critical of the way we spend out time. Are the many good and valuable things that we do really more important than building relationships? The extra time, effort and potential discomfort can easily persuade us to opt for dispassionate electronic communication. But perhaps, just perhaps, it is worth the loss of time and income, worth the effort and inconvenience. To know someone, not just know about them.

Daniel Webster, Parliamentary Officer

National Family Week is an occasion for the promotion and celebration of family life from 31 May - 6 June. In the run-up to it, the Evangelical Alliance would like to learn a little about the relational and family lives of Christians throughout the UK. If you're married, in a civil-partnership or cohabiting would you be willing to complete a quick online questionnaire? It will only take about five minutes. Also, if you're able to forward the link or print it in your church's newsletter we'd really appreciate your help.