We recently sat down with Tim Coysh, head of digital and membership at the Evangelical Alliance, to talk all things fatherhood. From becoming a stepfather to Luca to supporting his wife Ellie through a higher-risk pregnancy with their daughter Ivy, Tim’s experience speaks volumes about God’s heart for fathers, and the importance of being a dependable role model.
Tell us about your journey into fatherhood.
When I met my wife, Ellie, some friends were hesitant because she had a child, but that wasn’t a deterrent for me. After our first date I called my mum and said, “I’ve met this amazing girl, but it’s not a typical story – there’s a four-year-old boy involved.”
Her response stuck with me: “Everyone has a story. You’d be a great dad to him.” From the start, I was thinking about my role, not just in Ellie’s life but in Luca’s too.
I remember the first time Luca acknowledged me: “I know who you are… you’re Mummy’s boyfriend.” In that moment, the reality of having a meaningful role in his life sank in. I’m always asking, “What example am I setting?” When Ivy was born, that focus didn’t change; it deepened.
What does the word ‘father’ mean to you?
Before becoming a father, my idea of fatherhood came from my own dad and my relationship with God as a heavenly Father. When I became a stepdad to Luca, and later a dad to Ivy, ‘fatherhood’ stopped being just a word and became something I had to live out every day. It’s about reliability, care, and presence. It’s made me reflect deeply on what it means to be a man and role model. Luca often seeks Ellie for comfort, but comes to me for play and asking big questions. It’s made me appreciate how both parents bring unique, complementary roles and strengths to a home.
What’s the most unexpected thing you’ve learned about yourself through fatherhood?
I was shocked by how selfish I was – not maliciously, but in how I structured my life. Before kids, my time was mine. Now, my time belongs to them. That shift demands selflessness. Marriage holds up a mirror to your own selfishness as you share your life with one other person, but becoming a stepparent meant that I was confronted with new priorities very quickly.
"Before kids, my time was mine. Now, my time belongs to them."
How has your faith influenced your approach to fatherhood?
Faith shapes everything. Ellie and I want Luca and Ivy to see Jesus through our lives, not just our words. Faith does not make parenting easy, but it anchors and guides us through tough decisions and life’s challenges. I really do not know how people parent without prayer.
How have you seen God’s heart for fathers reflected in your journey?
Becoming a father has deepened my understanding of God’s sacrifice in giving His Son for us, a sacrifice I can barely begin to imagine. I’m also reminded of how God listens to us whenever Luca talks to me about his day or comes to me with questions.
Are there any biblical figures that have shaped your understanding of fatherhood?
I see Abraham and Joseph differently now. Abraham’s story really challenges me. His willingness to put God first, even above his own son, reminds me where my ultimate trust needs to be. And Joseph, as Jesus’ earthly father, raised a child who wasn’t biologically his, walking through both stigma and joy. That really resonates with me, especially in my journey with Luca.
"Faith does not make parenting easy, but it anchors and guides us through tough decisions and life’s challenges."
What have been some big challenges and blessings in fatherhood, especially in a blended family?
The blessings are obvious: being part of two amazing kids’ lives and all the chaos and fun that brings. Challenges include patience. I wanted Luca to adjust to me faster than he did. For a long time, I’d say, “Good night, Luca, love you,” and hear nothing back, but slowly, it grew to him sometimes saying, “Love you too.” Blended family dynamics bring complexities. Simple things like teaching Ivy to say “Dada”, while Luca calls me “Tim”, remind me of the unique stories running parallel in our family.
What role do you see men playing in supporting both lives in pregnancy and beyond?
Ellie had a difficult time while she was pregnant with Ivy. My role was very much supportive. Being dependable, adaptable, and resilient was vital for our family as we navigated a new chapter together. I had to take on more with Luca and help Ellie as much as possible. It meant taking it one day at a time and relying on God in a much deeper way.
What advice would you give someone walking the path you’ve walked?
Have patience. As soon as I made my vows to Ellie, I became a stepdad, but being a father and building that relationship takes time. As a family, we’re all learning together.
Joseph’s example of faithful and loving obedience can inspire dads today to say “yes” to their unique calling. We invite you to explore God’s heart for fatherhood through our week-long Lectio Divina resource, God Unborn: Joseph said yes.
To receive a physical copy, please contact us: stand@bothlives.co.uk
