Getting your affairs in order can be a gift to your loved ones

Biblical precedent

As He was dying on the cross, Jesus entrusted the care of His mother Mary to His beloved disciple John (John 19:26 – 27). King David’s wise but rebellious counsellor Ahithophel put his house in order before taking his own life (2 Samuel 17:23). And Paul exhorts people to make provision for their own households, which I take it would include getting their affairs in order (1 Timothy 5:8).

To die well is part of living well. So, if all this is new to you, where do you start?

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My three top tips: power of attorney, will and funeral arrangements

Increasingly, mental incapacity is a sad fact of life. In that event, who would look after you and your possessions? To avoid the long, drawn-out and costly process of the Court of Protection, you should make a lasting power of attorney, which comes in two parts: property and financial affairs, and health and welfare. In these you appoint one or more people you trust to make appropriate decisions on your behalf. Once made, they are filed with the Office of the Public Guardian for a fee of £82 each. 

Second, there is the all-important will, which nearly three in five people in this country have not made. Failing a will, both the responsibility of dealing with what you own and the shares in which your relatives will inherit are set out in the so-called intestacy rules (intestate meaning dying without a will) which may apply in a very different way from what you would have wanted. 

To start with, you appoint one or more executors, people you trust completely to administer your affairs, maybe family members or good friends. Then there might be gifts, whether of cash or of particular possessions, to those close to you or to charity. Finally, there is ​‘residue’ or ​‘what’s left’, which might go to one or more relatives, whether outright or held on particular trusts.

You should keep your will under review. It is important too to ensure that your close family are aware of what you have put in your will and why.

Third, funeral arrangements. So much better, from my personal experience of taking funerals over the past 10 years or so, that those close to you know what you want: cremation or burial, where and who might be involved in taking a service or joining in it in terms of readings, music and so on.

Who will look after your dependants?

You may have minor children, responsibility for elderly relatives or even pets. Who will look after them if both you and your other half are no longer around?

My dear sister Debbie died far too young at the age of 49 in 2005. Having been diagnosed with stage four cancer (from which she died peacefully eight months later), she rang me with the grim news and to say that she had two things to sort out: her will and her relationship with God, Whom she had been keeping at arm’s length. The will was easy, and three months later God graciously brought her to a real faith in Jesus.

Debbie and her husband Charlie had four children, then aged between 8 and 17. They took the brave and, in those circumstances, correct decision both to tell the children and to take them with them on the journey. While I acknowledge that such openness won’t be the right thing to do in every case, it is a subject which parents should at least discuss freely with each other. Here the judgment was proved right by the extraordinarily rich relationships both within and outside the family which already existed and which continued up to and since her death.

Practical steps to avoid problems

Then there is the question of who needs to be notified of a death. It’s so helpful if you can draw up a list of names and contact details – and direct how and the order in which this should be done.

To avoid potential chaos, have a list of passwords to various devices kept in a secure place known to those close to you, maybe using a so-called ​‘master password’.

Make a list of your possessions for your executors. This is both for purposes of distribution under the terms of your will and in computing the value of your estate for Inheritance Tax purposes.

You might have various responsibilities within your church, a charity or a club, maybe even a business. Those you work or operate with need to know what it is you do and how those activities can be passed on.

Finally, a word about relationships. Why not take active steps for the healing of any past wounds now? Forgiveness, whether given or received, is such a powerful thing.

Much more is contained in my book, Your Last Gift – Getting Your Affairs in Order, prompted by the challenges faced by two friends after their husbands’ deaths.