More than 28 million people are single across England and Wales, and it is predicted that by 2039, one in seven people could be living alone. [1] But beyond the statistics, what does church look like for people who are single, widowed, separated or divorced?
I can answer that, at least from reflecting on my own singleness journey. I was recently talking to a Christian friend who said, “It must be good to be single and to be able to go out and have coffee with a friend whenever you want.” He was right – I do have flexibility and freedom – and I have been blessed with supportive friends and churches, but many challenges of singleness are often forgotten.
I told my friend honestly about how difficult it can be. It is often lonely, especially if you don’t have family nearby, and forming solid friendships isn’t always easy. I’ve especially noticed it when I’ve moved locations. I’ve found myself starting again: finding somewhere to live, finding a new church, making new friends and rebuilding community from scratch. Some people want a quiet place, but for someone like me, who enjoys being with people, I want a home where people can come and feel loved and welcomed, and that can be hard to find. Sometimes, it is just hard not having someone to share everyday life with, or to decompress with after a challenging day.
Making decisions on my own, even in my early 40s, can be difficult, too. At times, you second-guess if you’ve made the right choices. Both my parents and grandparents have passed away, so I don’t naturally have someone to process decisions with. I have been incredibly blessed by church communities over the years, but I’ve still had to make my own decisions, take leaps of faith, and trust that God will guide me. When I get something wrong, I trust that God is able to redirect me.
I have been blessed with supportive friends and churches, but many challenges of singleness are often forgotten.”
My background in marketing means I think a lot about the language we use in church, which can sometimes unintentionally exclude single people. For example, asking where someone is going on holiday can hurt when they don’t have someone to go with. Or when churches have ‘family services’, it implies they are only for those with children.
I say all this not to complain; it is simply that each of these challenges, and more, represents an often-missed opportunity for churches to support single people and ensure they are genuinely valued and included.
Here are four simple changes we could make to help single people thrive:
1. Build community and learn to celebrate new things
Community is at the heart of discipleship and the gospel. I love that Jesus gathered people from all walks of life. He ate with people, prayed with them, corrected them, taught them and did life with them. Can we preach sermons not just on purity and relationships, but on community and how to do life together well?
Perhaps we can celebrate the milestones of single people too. They may not have bridal or baby showers, but they might have bought a house, moved to a new location, received a promotion, started a new venture or business, overcome something difficult or grown significantly in their walk with Jesus. Encouragement is a gift.
2. Give time
When decision-making is hard, the simple gift of giving time to people who need to process gives them support when they most need it. Practical support matters too. I’m thankful for all those who have poured into me by gifting me time – whether it was helping me in times of need, teaching me how to grow vegetables, putting up shelves, or fixing my car tyre. Churches could also connect older and younger generations as mentors, or hold financial stewardship courses to support members.
3. Change some of our language about church
If our intention is to welcome everyone, our language should reflect the breadth of the church. Perhaps the ‘family service’ can become an ‘all-age service’?
We also need to remember that not every single person is in the same season of life. Yes, there’s a place for courses on singleness and dating, but could there also be space to talk honestly about getting older, grief, divorce, separation and restoration?
4. Invite people into everyday life
Community doesn’t have to be complicated. I’ve felt loved in the most ordinary ways – whether it was someone checking that I had somewhere to go for Christmas or Easter, cooking me a meal when I was unwell, or praying for one another. Just doing everyday things with someone, like running to the supermarket, going for a walk, cooking a meal, or watching a TV programme, has been a real blessing. There are other great ways to include people some suggestions might be board game nights, cinema trips, BBQs, sports activities and creative groups.
I would especially encourage you to look out for those who have come to Jesus from another faith, because it is often a lonely journey, having left behind their previous community, and in some cases, their families too.
When decision-making is hard, the simple gift of giving time to people who need to process gives them support when they most need it.”
My hope for the church is that we would become more community-focused, not only when we think about reaching people outside the church, but also when we think about those already sitting among us. Let’s build churches where relationships cross marital status and generations; where single, married, widowed, separated and divorced people aren’t placed into separate boxes, but are one together. Where everyone is loved and involved. How might God be calling you or your church to change or even celebrate?
We would love to hear stories from our members about what you are doing to support single people in your church or community. Email us at opc@eauk.org
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