Fatherhood comes in many forms. Some fathers are biological fathers, others become fathers through adoption, and others through marriage and blended families. There are also spiritual fathers who disciple and mentor the next generation.
Not every man will have the opportunity to become a father, yet these examples of fatherhood and fatherly influence reveal something of God’s heart as our Heavenly Father and the vital role that men can play in supporting both lives, before and after birth.
On the Both Lives Podcast, we recently spoke to Brian Harvey about his experience of adoption (Season 2, Episode 7). Brian was placed for adoption by his birth mother when he was just a few months old and was welcomed into the home of his adoptive parents, Tommy and Jean Harvey.
Throughout our conversation, gratitude was a recurring theme. Brian spoke warmly of the mother who gave him life and made the difficult decision to place him for adoption. Brian was also grateful for his adoptive parents, Tommy and Jean, who welcomed him and his adopted brother into their home with open arms.
When asked how he would describe adoption, Brian said: “It’s just full of grace… there’s an opportunity for the child to be adopted and placed into that family, but there’s an opportunity for that adoptive family to have the child that they’re longing to have.”
Reflecting on his relationship with Tommy, Brian recalls a father who was hard-working, practical and deeply committed to his family. Commenting on his childhood, Brian said, “We couldn’t have been placed in a family with more love in it.” Today, that legacy continues through Brian’s own children and grandchildren.
One of the most moving reflections that Brian shared was his one regret: that he was never able to go back and tell his birth mother that she had made the right decision. Yet he took comfort in knowing that through his biological grandmother’s enquiries, his mother knew that he was safe and loved.
In recent years, many conversations about adoption have focused on experiences of separation and trauma. Those experiences are real and should not be dismissed. Yet stories like Brian’s remind us that adoption can also be full of love, belonging and hope. At a time when voluntary baby relinquishment is now exceptionally rare in the UK, it is important that positive adoption stories are not lost from the conversation.
We couldn't have been placed in a family with more love in it”
Fatherhood is about far more than biology. Just as Tommy chose to love and raise Brian as his son, God adopts us into His family and gives us a place to belong.
We also see the importance of faithful fatherhood in the life of Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus. When Mary became pregnant, Joseph initially planned to divorce her quietly. Yet after God’s messenger spoke to him in a dream, he chose obedience and commitment over convenience. He remained with Mary, accepted responsibility for raising Jesus and protected both mother and baby before and after Jesus’ birth.
This is something that we explore in our God Unborn: Joseph said yes, Lectio Divina resource. Joseph’s example reminds us that fatherhood is often expressed through steadfast presence and the “vital role men have to speak, not be silent, to support and not walk away, to stand with and for both lives.”
While the circumstances certainly differ, that same willingness to remain present and take responsibility can still be seen in the lives of fathers and father figures today.
When Tim Coysh began dating his now-wife, he understood that the relationship involved more than just the two of them. There was also her young son, Luca. Rather than seeing this as an obstacle, Tim stepped willingly into fatherhood. As a step-father and biological father, Tim describes fatherhood as “reliability, care and presence”. It has taught him selflessness, challenged his priorities and deepened his understanding of God’s love.
The same qualities outlined by Tim can also be seen in fathers who support women through an unexpected pregnancy. When Wendy discovered she was pregnant at sixteen, her boyfriend, now husband Marcus chose to stay. Despite financial pressures and uncertainty about the future, they chose life for their baby together. Reflecting on that season, Wendy shared: “Looking back we did have extremely tough times and miss out on lots of stuff that others take for granted, but I wouldn’t change a thing.”
We know that many women facing an unplanned pregnancy cite relationship difficulties, lack of support and financial insecurity among the factors influencing their decision-making. The presence of a loving and committed father cannot solve every difficulty, but it can make a significant difference through practical and emotional support, enabling women to choose life for their unborn child.
In a world where many people carry wounds connected to fatherhood, the stories of Brian, Tim, Joseph, Wendy and Marcus remind us of what fatherhood can look like at its best. Whether expressed through biological, adoptive, blended or spiritual fatherhood, men can play a vital role in supporting both lives, pre- and post-birth.
As we celebrate fathers of all kinds, we are reminded that every expression of good fatherhood points beyond itself to the perfect love of our Heavenly Father.
Both Lives Podcast
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